A roller coaster week with lots of ups and downs…I’m turning my face to the sunshine and realize that so many of my gremlins are of my own making…aren’t they always?!?
Meet Insecure-Imelda-Petty-Patty. She is my inner voice that likes to have me look around at what EVERYBODY else is doing in the world and then she turns to me and (just when I LEAST expect it) whispers: LOOK–SEE–YOU’RE NOT AS GOOD AS THEY ARE. It’s haunting. She is so damn convincing to me sometimes that I actually allow her to rent a room in my brain and purchase a timeshare in my heart. She likes to play on my deep, deep insecurities and then respond with petty, scathing, small + hurtful remarks (hence, the name).
When I listen too closely and buy into IIPP’s false logic, it makes me mean, cold, callous, haughty, + childish. I observe my behavior and note that I become fond of lashing out at people who deserve it THE LEAST in my life. I make catty comments about others quietly to myself (or to others). I am a grouch and my patience runs thin, very thin. It’s not my pretty side. I am not proud of it, but I also recognize that it’s there. I am human.
I battle IIPP’s voice and kick back her attacks by focusing on the things she chooses to leave in the shadows (that or I eat some really good 8 yr old Hook’s cheddar paired with a fabulous Red Zin…which quickly gets me no where other than up two-point-two pounds on the scale). So, I take a deep breath, and I head back journaling land, I reach out to my clients of my group programs and share my soul with them (they are often SO WISE, MORESO than me), and I lean on my soul sisters who I know will give it to me straight (thank you Sara Alvarado for the Moonstruck moment yesterday).
So, I am publicly taking stock of the good stuff to fill my own soul a bit. In the last week:
1. Hired Assistant + Website Editor + Social Media Strategist. Biz planning and growth is for 2016 is underway. #scaredshitlessabit 
2. FINALIZED details with the lead conference organizer of the National Conference of State Legislatures regarding the keynote I’ll be delivering in Denver in 2 weeks. It’s all about TRUST + VULNERABILITY on teams.I love how TRUST and vulnerability are what I’m teaching about when it’s often what I struggle with the most. No accidents here, folks!
3. 75% of the way through Brene Brown’s “Rising Strong” and realize that I have a lot of inner reckonings and rumblings to attend to (all good). And I also acknowledge that I’ve made amazing headway in my life when it comes to nurturing my own soul.
4. Got to spend a FULL and RELAXING week-end hiking at Governor Dodge State Park, taking in a glass of wine at Botham Vineyards in the sunshine, and playing on the Memorial Union Terrace with my dearest of life-long friends Nicole Merryfield Coy and Mike Coy and their girls this past week-end…always so good when you find such special people you can call your chosen family (and mean it).
5. Got a solicitation from an Instagram follower @gathered.art who wants to feature my work on their Insta page for a day (14K+ followers on their site)…overwhelmed AND GIDDY about this one. And am looking forward to my SECOND-EVER “gallery night” at Karner Blue (dates coming soon but Lyschel Bersch and I are gearing up for the next installation sometime Nov-Dec-ish).
6. Had a client tell me that the reason she is attending an upcoming retreat (that I’m participating in but NOT hosting for once!) is because she saw that I was going and wants to spend more time with ME. Still a bit blown away by that one…really. Such a compliment…brought me to tears.
7. Attended my daughter’s open house at school tonight. Her teacher approached me as I was gazing through the beautiful tree drawings the children did after a recent field trip to the woods. She said that Vivian talks about the fact that I’m a Mixed Media artist, and the teacher asked if I’d be willing to collaborate with her on some projects for the children. I can think of nothing higher that one can do with one’s calling than to share that calling/ passion with children.
8. Signed up and am taking a class with Julie Balzer (www.balzerdesigns.com), Mixed Media artist extraordinaire out of NYC, and am delving into some new ways of being with my paint, paper, inks, and pencils. Learning new skills when it comes to Mixed Media will FOREVER my passion.
9. Signed two, new one-on-one coaching clients in the last 48 hours who are both PRIMO, TOP-NOTCH, TAKE-LIFE-BY-THE-HORNS-WOMEN who I know are already on to making some pretty significant and long-lasting changes for themselves and their families.
10. Finalized the agreement with the UW-Madison to teach DiSC again next Spring. Love that course, and the participants from last Spring gave the class rave reviews. The material is SO RICH and I have so much fun teaching it.
11. Back pain (from my “outage” back in late July) is *finally* subsiding a bit and the trainer Erika Goldschen and my chiropractor Melissa Hunt-Luhrs Dc that are my HEALING DREAM TEAM…I cannot thank these women ENOUGH for their expertise, patience, and willingness to help make me feel better RIGHT NOW while ALSO working with me on long-term ways to stabilize and build up my core and strengthen my 42 year old muscles, bones, and structure so this DOES NOT happen again.
12. Had one of those deep and much-needed soul-searching convos with Andy Kahn, my light and my star, about how I was feeling SO FRUSTRATED and SO SHITTY, and SO INADEQUATE about business as of late…and he quickly reminded me that THE DATA SHOWS (gotta love being in love with a scientist) 2015 is my best year in business TO DATE, that I’m killing it in both the revenue and expense columns relative to previous years, and that 2016 will be just as good, if not better. I love my “logic man.” He forces me to look at the evidence without emotion, which is so important for me because it’s not my strong suit (shocking, right?!?).
13. Last, but not least, my sweet and persistent sister Sabra Gent scored us Packer tix for a mid-October game when the weather will be perfect for football and the season will be in full-swing, and our Dad will be visiting from San Fran, and my sister-from-another-mother Molly Schneider Rochford has agreed to make the sacrifice and buy the “extra 4th ticket” we have…what more could a cheese-necklace-owning-Green Bay-fan want in a season than to watch Aaron and company play at Lambeau in the sunshine with her family???
Overall, I’d say I’m doing damn good and I need to turn to Imelda-Insecurity-Pretty-Patty and say “FUCK OFF” when she rears her ugly head.
As Darby Putman reminded me recently, “You use that hashtag #charitisbeautifullife a lot…you do realize that your life IS beautiful, right?” I use that hashtag as a reminder to myself to always be grateful for it ALL and never to take a moment of it for granted. And, it’s true what she highlights and I’m so grateful for her candor and reminder…I have a beautiful life. SO–next time your ugly IIPP lashes out at you, take my advice and learn from my trials…tell her and her stinkin thinkin’ to go fuck herself. xo
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